Too often I find myself hearing what a person is saying but not really listening to what she is saying. As a social worker, part of my education was learning how to actively listen to clients. Although it’s something I struggle to practice in my everyday life, I notice such an improvement in understanding when I do. Because of this, I wanted to share with you a few ways you can be a more active listener to your loved ones.

Empathize – Attempt to understand and share their feelings. The old adage still stands: “Put yourself in their shoes!”

Ask Questions – Participate in the conversation. Replace the usual “mm-hm” or “yeah” with pausing for a moment to ask a question that lets the person know you’re really interested in what she’s telling you.

Clarify – One of the reasons that asking questions is important in active listening is because it helps us clarify. Clarification is finding out what exactly someone means, and helps to prevent one of the biggest barriers in communication: misunderstanding.

Body Language – Last, but not least, body language is crucial. Making eye contact with the person speaking to you and having an open posture towards her has proven to engage a longer, and probably a more meaningful, conversation.

Listening with your heart to what someone is telling you and responding with real compassion or genuine feedback is the gift that gives back. You will be amazed at the difference active listening really makes in getting to know a person, or in simply being there for her.

Haylee Smoot is a social worker currently pursuing an MSW at the University of Kentucky. She is a Kentucky Proud foodie and passionate about her heritage, her pug Dodi, and helping others. 

Photography by Lupen Grainne.