I’m a proud Alanis Morissette fan. Jagged Little Pill came out during a particularly formative time in my life about 20 years ago, and some of her songs have really stayed with me through interesting times. Many of her albums resonate.

21 Things I Want In A Lover is a song on rotation in my running playlist. It’s got just the right tempo and is actually quite a profound list of traits we should look for in lovers and friends. And when I run, I subscribe to freeform mind flow- that is, I let my mind work out issues and gorge on the highs of whatever’s most demanding of my psyche. Lately it’s been work and leadership. So, in homage to Alanis, here is “21 Things” with only slight modifications to quiet my mind when I’m running and pensive about management issues. (Please sing along with me.)

21 Things I Want in a Lover Leader

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds your people succeed?

Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?

Do you have a big intellectual capacity

But know that it alone does not equate wisdom?

Do you see everything as an illusion

But enjoy it even though you are not of it?

Are you Do you support both masculine and feminine,

Politically aware, and don’t believe in capital punishment in public?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover leader-

Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer.

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that

Loving Leading someone can actually feel like freedom?

Are you funny, á la self-deprecating,

Like adventure and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover leader-

Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer.

I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter my endeavors.

These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover leader.

I’m in no hurry, I could wait forever.

I’m in no rush ’cause I like being working solo.

No worries and certainly no pressure- in the meantime

I’ll live work like there’s no tomorrow.

Are you uninhibited in bed on boards more than three times a week?

Up for being experimental?

Are you athletic? Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?

Are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover leader.

Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer.

I figure I can describe it since I have a choice of the matter my endeavors.

These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover leader.

…I think you’re curious and communicative…

Bethany Miller is an explorer in life and in business. She’s an airline pilot, businesswoman, veteran and world traveler. Fascinated by global issues and the business of business, Bethany is a doctoral candidate at Université Paris-Dauphine in Paris, France, and is researching extraordinary employees in chaotic work environments.

www.GoodGlobalCitizen.com

Elizabeth and Ficre. She a poet and he an artist create a life and a family together enjoying Eritrean fantasia food, art, literature, travel, dinner parties with friends, and ordinary errands.

“The story seems to begin with catastrophe but in fact began earlier and is not a tragedy but rather a love story. Perhaps tragedies are only tragedies in the presence of love, which confers meaning to loss. Loss is not felt in the absence of love.” These lines from the opening of Elizabeth Alexander’s new memoir The Light of The World pull us into the lives of Elizabeth and Ficre.

With beautifully poetic language and raw vulnerable honesty the author shares the story of losing her husband, Ficre, suddenly and only days after his fiftieth birthday. She writes about how death deepens the experiences we have on life’s journey, about how art is her religion, and about how she determined the passage of time based on how much her two sons cried each day in the year after their father’s death.

As Alexander carries on her life without her husband and establishes home in a new place, she grieves her loss and relishes the tangibles keeping the memories of her beloved husband alive. She shares with readers complete recipes of dishes Ficre cooked, lines of poetry they enjoyed, and visions of paintings both complete and incomplete.

From the images of Ficre growing up in East Africa to details of their life together in New Haven to her life with her boys in New York City, the author’s story reminds us of words her husband etched on a painting for their bedside.

“I wake up grateful, for life is a gift.”

Renee believes we all have a story and advocates continuously for sharing & improving these stories. An educator and activist for eradicating inequities in our world, Renee believes access to quality education is a right for everyone. On the C&W blog Renee explores her creative side by offering thoughts on a variety of books from her book a week reading list. Renee lives in Lexington, Kentucky with her husband and two sons.

Twitter: @renee_boss  Blogger:www.reneeboss.blogspot.com

Growing up, I was the queen of grudges. I felt like I was in control, morally right, and the better person if I dragged out my anger against another person. In it’s own twisted way, it felt good to have a perception of power.

By studying A Course in Miracles, I discovered these habits had become unhealthy cycles of grudges, guilt, and judgment that breed just that, and only that. A lot of my past romantic relationships and friendships ended in a heat of blame. My self-esteem would chip away. I was ready for those cycles to end.

An A Course in Miracles mantra is, “Forgiveness is the key to happiness.” Through the text’s exercises, I began to learn how wonderful it was to release my resentments and grow in deeper love with everyone that I loved.

The course teaches that when you are attacking another person, you are actually attacking yourself.  A daily practice of acknowledging another’s behavior and choosing to see them with love instead of attack has not only given me compassion for others, but more compassion and willingness to forgive my very self…which is more of what EVERYONE needs.

When I find ways to forgive and take care of myself, my anxiety and tension tend to slip away. I give myself permission to realize that I am doing my very best, and that my best is beautiful.

FeMeditate: Practice Forgiveness

1). Become a witness to your judgments and resentment against others, no matter who they are. Committing to this alone for a full day will help you understand where you need to practice forgiveness.

2). Realize that there is a better way to think – with love. Anyone who desires compassion can call upon it easily. This is a simple choice. Recognize that you want to feel differently.

3). Be Still. Oftentimes these negative feelings are a sign that we aren’t in tune with a general place of peace. Sitting in stillness, meditating, or doing yoga are the best ways to let love and happiness come forward in a natural way.

Meagan Roppo has been a student of meditation and yoga, as well as a 60-hour trained advocate for women, for the past four years. She has dedicated her time and passion to women’s crisis shelters, feminist studies, and writing on women’s issues. By founding She Enlightened in 2014, Meagan hopes to encourage and empower girls & women to bring forth their gifts, voices, and light that are undoubtedly inside of each them. Meagan currently works as Chief Operating Officer of Young Professional Women in Energy, a Pittsburgh-based nonprofit that works to employ more women in the energy industry. 

Website: http://www.sheenlightened.com   Twitter: @SheEnlightened

There are various and conflicting definitions of “A Real New Yorker”, many of which imply that prior to that point one was only pretending. I’d always held that it took ten years of living in New York City to be considered official, but recently have heard it’s only eight years, or even as few as five. Apparently some people have done away with length of residency and think that being a New Yorker is an attitude, an outlook, a state of mind.  The cynic might argue that being a New Yorker just requires a superiority complex.

New York is a mythic city. It is legendary, literary, cinematic. It has an unavoidable intensity, a throbbing pulse to its rhythms, a constant cycle of creative destruction. It has a subway system that baffles visitors, and social mores that can come off as cold or rude upon first brush (but really, everyone is just trying to preserve a bit of space between eight million souls). This city also has beauty that can surprise you, showing up unexpectedly in verdant pockets of dense neighbors or being unfurled so grandly in Central Park.

New York has been my home for the past nine years, so if I haven’t earned the title yet, I’m getting close by any definition. I’ve never lost a sense of awe upon seeing the skyline, which is now mixed with a sense of pride. New York is home to so many people who came from somewhere else (my Midwestern self included), some of whom only stay briefly before moving back, or moving else where. I’ve come to believe that becoming a New Yorker happens when you make peace with the city. When you’re at ease within it, and you plan to stay awhile.

While she’s almost an official New Yorker, now that she has spent the past eight years working for a large investment bank in New York City, Jean Blosser still cherishes her Midwestern roots, growing up in Columbus, Ohio. She is an alumnus of Boston College and enjoys her whiskey neat. You can find her blog here: http://www.skylineblossoms.com/ 

I love social media and the internet. I couldn’t live without Facebook, Instagram, and my favorite blogs and websites. The internet is humanity laid bare and I find this stimulating and disturbing in equal measure.

I have a lot of friends who are doing amazing things and changing the world, and the internet provides information about their accomplishments on a daily basis. I get to celebrate someone’s success every day. I hate to admit this, but one of the emotions that I feel when I read about the victories of others and the praise that comes with doing something great is a little bit of envy.

Everyone has a need for recognition, especially overachievers who are often working hard to further passions or promote causes, and I certainly get my fair share of praise. Often, though, I walk around with the sense that I have no expertise, and that, somehow, I’m letting all of my potential go to waste. I compare what I know I could do with what other people are doing, and I don’t measure up.

I told a friend about this feeling, and, not surprisingly, she said that she often feels that way, and some of the time she feels envious of me, just as I feel envious of her. It’s difficult for many of us to believe we are doing enough or creating enough or making enough of an impact. It’s not a feeling that is comfortable to admit, but talking about it gave me both a boost and a reality check. What is it that I need to be doing that I’m not? Is there an untapped skill or passion that I’m ignoring? And why do I undervalue my own achievements? Most important, how do I change my perception and support my friends who often feel the same way?

We are all doing something praise worthy just by being here, being ourselves, and being both interesting and interested, and it’s time we all own that and feel good about it.

Tanzi Merritt has made a career out of words. She spent several years working as an academic reference librarian and a community college library director, teaching students how to locate and evaluate information as well as to choose reading materials purely for pleasure. A career shift landed her in the position of sales and marketing coordinator for a technology consulting company, where she translates things written by software engineers into words that the non-developers of the world can understand. In her free time, she sits on a number of nonprofit boards, reads, knits, crafts, listens to (and sometimes makes) music, obsessively watches documentaries, buys art, and frequents lots of local restaurants and craft breweries. Pinterest: pinterest.com/tanzimerritt  Goodreads: goodreads.com/tanzimerritt  Instagram: tanzimerritt  LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/tanzidmerritt  Twitter: @tanzidawn

I once heard a speaker say, “I love beginnings; they are so full of promise.” I had always shared this sentiment, but it was not until she put it into words that I fully realized the importance of promise in a beginning. Now, more than ever, I am thirsty for that promise. As a senior in college, I am being ushered into the end of something fierce, vivacious, and wonderful. I am required to seriously pursue and investigate life post-grad, the time of life that seemed so distant just three years ago. I am finding myself in a constant, emotion-driven quest for where I might be living in just a few short months, what might I be doing on a daily basis.

Being in college has taught me how transitional life is. Nothing stays the same for long. In fact, I find myself thrust into a new change just as I have begun adjusting to the previous one. Change is difficult. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere, and other times it’s like a car in your rearview mirror getting bigger and bigger as it approaches. As I anticipate the next change in my life, this time in the form of a diploma, black robe, and square-shaped hat, I cling desperately to the fact that change doesn’t come alone. I like to think that change always enters with two friends: end and beginning. In my life, end tends to bear sadness and nostalgia. However, beginning comes with a different ally. Beginning brings the guest of honor. She dances into the room glittering and celebrating. She is warm and people cling to her for comfort and rejuvenation. She cares deeply and laughs with her head thrown back and light in her eyes. Her name is Promise, and she will inspire you and help you to embrace life for all that it is.

Hello there! My name is Elaine Bailey, and I’m from Kentucky. I’m currently a full-time student majoring in Writing, Rhetoric and Communication. When I’m not working on papers or crossing assignments off of my to-do list, I’m typically with people. People are one of my deepest passions, and I indulge in this great love through a number of activities: I work as a tour guide for my cherished university; I devote time, commitment, and heart to my wonderful sorority; and finally, I find true pleasure and fulfillment in simply spending time with my family and friends. The passion that also occupies much of my time is travel. I am in love with every corner of this world, and I end each adventure wondering when the next will begin. No matter what I find myself doing on a given day, it is my hope that I am recognizing God’s beautiful and personalized touch in my life. I find much joy in living, and I wish to radiate that joy, zest, and excitement to anyone who may be needing a reminder that life is a glimmering gift.

Demi Lovato’s mic was unintentionally turned on backstage before the 2015 VMA’s. The next week, links and articles blew up social media newsfeeds and trending topics. What was she caught saying? Clicking on the link, we expected to hear something we could laugh at, or a piece of Hollywood gossip. Instead, Lovato, not knowing the audience could hear her, said the words:

“I am enough. I am enough.”

This sentiment resonated with so many viewers that the recording went viral; Demi Lovato continues to be an even more amazing positive role model than the week before.

Positive self-talk and affirmations can alter our thinking, our attitude, and the state of our day in just a few words.  I can do this. I am beautiful. I will be okay.

But, as Eckhart Tolle teaches in The Power of Now, there are actually two of us – the surface-level being that is freaking out, has low self-esteem, and can be easily knocked off-balance – and the observer.

The observer is the you in the back of your mind that can watch the surface you lose your cool, make irrational decisions, and upset others around you. It is the you that does not mentally engage in its surroundings.

Try it for a minute. Stare at something that is stressing you out. Then watch your mind be stressed, as though your stress is a car driving by and you are sitting on the side of the road.

Now bring affirmations into the mix. If we’re repeating “I am enough. I am enough…” are we reaching our surface-level being? Our observer already knows that we are enough. Our observer is already calm. Our observer is already empowered. In other words, our surface-level being is hearing conflicting views, and may be hesitant to believe the good stuff.

Just recently, I had a meeting with a difficult CEO who was insulting my beliefs. Instead of reaching for the instinct to calm myself, I imagined a friend holding me and saying, “Don’t listen to him. Don’t listen to him.”

Our peaceful, happy observer, can be that friend.

You are powerful beyond measure. You are an undeniable force of light. You are beautiful. You are enough.

 I challenge you to find what works for you, and I want your thoughts! Should we begin talking to ourselves as though our observer is coaching us, or should we dig deeper into the surface-learner?

Meagan Roppo has been a student of meditation and yoga, as well as a 60-hour trained advocate for women, for the past four years. She has dedicated her time and passion to women’s crisis shelters, feminist studies, and writing on women’s issues. By founding She Enlightened in 2014, Meagan hopes to encourage and empower girls & women to bring forth their gifts, voices, and light that are undoubtedly inside of each them. Meagan currently works as Chief Operating Officer of Young Professional Women in Energy, a Pittsburgh-based nonprofit that works to employ more women in the energy industry. 

Website: http://www.sheenlightened.com

Twitter: @SheEnlightened

I couldn’t stop myself. I had to order the Champagne and fries. Maybe because my late dinner plans felt excruciatingly far away. Maybe because it was “the thing to get” at Sylvain. Or maybe just because it was New Orleans. I was visiting the city for a food conference and taking every chance I could to squeeze in stops that weren’t on the itinerary. Alternating a piping hot fry with a sip of bracing, dry bubbly while making conversation with locals, I savored one of the most delicious moments of my trip. (I’d figure out how to make it through my five course dinner later.)  While admittedly, New Orleans is the kind of place that lends itself especially well to that sort of indulgence, it needn’t be the only one.

And so, along with a few party dresses and a “Call me Old Fashioned” t-shirt, I tucked into my suitcase a good helping of joie de vivre to take home.  For why not spoil yourself with Champagne and fries before dinner? Why not zip into a vintage-inspired dress that makes you look like a 1950s debutante on a regular Thursday? Or hit that funky music joint nearby, with its raw talent and seedy clientele? I found no good reason not to do any of these things in my own city. In our overcommitted lives, our eyes may well glaze over at the prospect of another day of work drudgery and personal obligations. Which is why it’s critical to wake yourself up and escape the blasé: wear a colorful outfit. Make a date at your wine bar and learn about a new vintage. Pull up a chair at that out-of-the-way dumpling joint.

And if you somehow find yourself transported to New Orleans, absolutely do not turn down the Champagne and fries.  Live every day like the special occasion that it most certainly is.

Elizabeth Roach believes in balancing a sense of possibility with the art of savoir-faire, and is not above diving into a slice of cake while on a conference call. A graduate of Furman University and the Columbia University Publishing Program, she has worked in Kentucky government and politics for more than seven years. She is currently Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear’s scheduling director, and has previously served as his assistant speechwriter and as First Lady Jane Beshear’s press secretary. Based in Lexington, Kentucky, Elizabeth is a frequent traveler who writes freelance articles about bourbon, baking, and culinary adventures. She has contributed to The Bourbon Review, The Local Palate, and TheRecoveringPolitician.com, for which she pens a food column (http://therecoveringpolitician.com/category/friends/lizr). Check out her website at elizabethroachwriter.com, and follow her on Instagram @LizRoach7 and Twitter @LizRoach.